Should Pokémon Actually Exist? Get Real!

Far too often, my friends and I get into a conversation about what it would be like if Pokémon actually exist. Sure, you might think that would be the coolest thing ever. You get to fly your Pidgeot to school, make your Scyther mow the lawn, and have your Charmander roast marshmallows in the middle of July. But trust me, it's better that Pokémon stay in your DS.  

1. It's like training a pet, except your house can catch on fire.
You've probably heard the old "a pet's a big responsibility" lecture from your parents one time or another.   You have to train it to not bite the mailman, not bark at strangers, and not treat the living room floor like a toilet. Training a normal animal is tough enough, but imagine if your puppy was a Growlithe. Instead of biting the mailman, it'd roast the unfortunate postage worker with Ember! It's Roar would easily intimidate any bystander that crossed it. And if it could expel high amounts of heat from its mouth...I shudder to think what would come out of its rear end.  

So maybe you're not a dog person. Meowth? You better hide your wallet. Pikachu? Stray Thundershocks will short circuit your light bulbs. Ekans? Better have that antidote ready. Jigglypuff? Don't let it near markers. Pokémon make terrible pets.

This is why you can't have nice things!

2. 10-year-olds can summon titans, gods and great beings of destruction.
10-year-olds aren't old enough to drink, join the military or even get a part-time job. But they can go out in the wild and catch Pokémon? It's a severe lack of judgement, especially since 10-year-olds aren't the most mature humans.

Imagine shopping at the grocery store with your kid when he spots candy at the checkout line. Normally, you'd say no and he'd throw a temper tantrum, crying and rolling all over the floor. But now with Pokémon, he can send out his Reshiram and use Fusion Flare on you. Temper tantrums have reached a whole new level.

3.You'll be out some serious cash.
Playing Pokémon in-game for many years gives trainers the illusion that they're the very best like no one ever was. Half the time you're fighting Youngsters with Zubats and Rattatas! The Pokémon games rarely present a challenge, so it's easy to see why you think you're the best when you become champion.

But that's the thing, you're not. It's a harsh reality, but you can't win every battle. That's not necessarily a problem until you realize how Pokémon battles work.

Whenever two trainers meet eyes, they must battle each other. No exceptions. You can't run away from the
fight or say that you left your good Pokémon back in the PC, doesn't matter. You have to battle with what you got. The worst part is, the loser has to pay the winner.

Hand over your money, noob!

Let's say there's a pretty tough trainer with a level 100 Gyarados who just chills at the corner. Usually, you can avoid him by sneaking past him, but today you're running late for class. You mindlessly walk in front of him, your eyes meet, and uh oh! Looks like you have yourself a battle. You try to reason with him that you're late for class, but it doesn't matter. No running away from a trainer battle, no exception. So you send out your Geodude, watch it get pulverized by Mewtwo, and shell out some cash. Now you're not only late for class, you got no money for lunch. Great.

4. I wouldn't eat that ice cream...
Most Pokémon are based on animals and other living organisms. But if you're not used to walking candles and cotton candy, some of these creatures can catch you by surprise.

It's a Saturday night and you invite a couple of your friends over for a sleepover. You get a case of the midnight munchies and go to the fridge for a quick snack. Nice, there's a box of Casteliacones! You bring it upstairs and everyone enjoys their frozen treats. Until...one girl starts screaming. Blood is dripping down her mouth. That was no ice cream cone...she bit into a Vanillite!

Rule of thumb: if it says its name, don't eat it!

The horror doesn't stop there. You best not pick up any Pokéballs from the floor; Voltorb could use Explosion and blow off your arm! That purple balloon...yeah that's a Drifloon. It'll take children away if they tug at its strings. Late for an appointment? Don't rush out the door with Klefki instead of your keys. You wouldn't want to jam a fairy into your car's ignition. You get the idea; you better think twice before picking up a seemingly everyday object. The way Pokémon is going, I wouldn't be surprised if I ran into floating pencils that shot out Pin Missiles.

5. Having a non-Pokémon job in a Pokémon world
Despite the many problems Pokémon would bring, it would still be pretty cool if Pokémon existed. You get to travel across the land, searching far and wide to train these fantastic creatures. But being a Pokémon Trainer isn't the only job. You could study the mysteries behind evolution and become a Pokémon Professor (just don't forget anyone's gender). Or maybe you see yourself as a mentor for up-and-coming trainers as the local Gym Leader. If the life of a law-abiding citizen bores you, you can even join up with Team Rocket or Team Flare and lead a life of thievery and misdeeds. But what if you had a job that has nothing to do with
Pokémon?

Team Rocket is now hiring! *Must bring your own Zubats

You're an accountant for a faceless corporation. Day in and out, you're punching numbers as your higher-ups continue to berate you. Life's a drag. And yet, right outside your window, 10-year-olds are living it up. You watch in awe as one kid orders his Charizard to use Flamethrower. Charizard swoops down and lets out a stream of flames, only for the opposing Blastoise to swiftly dodge and retaliate with a well-aimed Hydro Pump. Charizard comes tumbling down and your heart stops. You press your face against the window as Charizard struggles to get up. Will he make it? Just then, the blinds fall down and your boss glares right at you. A stack of papers falls on your desk and you're back to work. In a world where people can train Pokémon, you're stuck in an office building unable to break the monotony of the 9-5 workday. What a life.

If only you arrived at  Professor Oak's lab a little earlier...

Even after all this, you probably still think it's a cool idea to have Pokémon in real life. Who could blame you? There are endless possibilities in a world of electric rodents and fiery chickens. But with great power comes great responsibility, and an even greater headache. Sure, it might seem cool if Pokémon existed, but I for one am glad they just stay in the games.

Imagine dealing with this guy's calls in REAL LIFE!

A Tough Trek through Victory Road

I can't believe a whole year has passed since my last VGC competition. While I've been able to play a little online, I missed the experience only a live competition can bring. Meeting new trainers, catching up with old friends, taking a picture with the guy in the Pikachu costume, I missed it all! This year's VGC though was...different. I still can't fully process this year's experience, but it gave me a new perspective of what it means to be a Pokémon Trainer.

Since my brother won regionals again, we got a free hotel room. It was the same one as last year, but we slept in the train car rooms. Yeah I thought the train car rooms were cool last year, but that's because I didn't sleep in them! If only I knew how claustrophobic they were. To make matters worse, there was a wedding that same weekend and our family was unfortunate to be neighbors with the groom's family. Look, I get that you hate your new in-laws, but SHUT UP! It's 4 in the morning and I have to battle at 9!

QUIET!!!

After a terrible night sleep, me and my family walked into the convention center, ready for a day of battling. We even convinced my sister to play! Seeing the success my brother had with rain, I decided to change up my team and add some new tricks. After some quick playtests and adjustments, this was what I came up with:

Dahlia, Bolin, Toadsworth, Sgt. Calhoun, Slippy and Sheik are ready for battle

This year I decided not to go with an overall theme. My main strategy was to slow down my opponent's momentum with moves like Icy Wind, Spore and Yawn or quickly knock out two of their Pokémon and use Perish Song. Giving up movepool coverage like Ice Beam on Kingdra was a tough choice to make, but in the end the surprise factor gave me a slight edge. Unfortunately, I ended up with a 4-5 record. My sister also ended up with a 4-5 record, which is amazing for her first time battling competitively.

At this time, I was down in the dumps. Going in this competition, I told myself I wanted to walk out with a winning record. My losses were especially crushing; battles ended with my opponent sitting on little health with one Pokémon left. I was the Spurs losing Game 6 to the Heat. I failed to claim victory when it was literally at my finger tips. While it was a lose, this match was the most intense match I had in the competition. Oh yeah, sorry for the bad camera quality.

After me and my sister finished playing, my brother entered the ring. His first win brought a smile to his face, but his next two losses left him disheartened. His battles were close too! My brother's opponent's won by the skin of their teeth. As a coach, I felt bad I couldn't help. My brother made all the right moves in the replays. Could it be that Dragonite needed more Speed EVs? Or maybe Rotom needed Hidden Power Fire over Grass? These thoughts haunted me. Maybe I didn't do all I could to prepare him for competition.

I was pretty depressed leaving the convention center that evening. We had a strong desire to win but fell short of our goal. It took me some time to get over it, but I had to think back to Ash Ketchum. This kid only won a league once, and that wasn't even in the main series! Time after time, he's failed to become the champion. And yet, Ash remains optimistic.

It's been over ten years and he's still at it.

Besides the tournament, we also got to play in some side events. This really helped lift our spirits, especially when we managed to win eight booster packs. Plus, we pulled three Latios EX cards! One was even the full

body artwork!
Here's a match during the side events where I made Perish Song work. It's a pretty good strategy if you can pull it off:

This year's Nationals had its disappointments, but the experience humbled me. As a Pokémon Trainer, you have to deal with defeat. Not every match will end with a win, so you have to grow from it. Does this mean I'm giving up? Of course not! I am now more determined than ever to compete again! My brother has already drafted a new team and my sister even wants to compete again. Nationals let me spend time with Pokémon and family, two of the greatest things in the universe. I wouldn't trade it for anything, not even for another Latios EX.

The picture that sums up what I love about Nationals

 

You Can't Judge a Pokémon by its Type

The world of Pokémon is filled with an infinite array of creatures. Like humans, Pokémon come in a wide range of shapes, sizes and personalities. From the cute and brightly-eyed Jigglypuff to the fierce and destructive Gyarados, no two species of Pokémon are exactly alike. But does that mean that every Jigglypuff is cute and every Gyarados is destructive?

If every Pokémon in a species shared similar personalities, then Zubat would be inherently evil. These blood-sucking fiends swarm inside mountains, causing misery to any trainer foolish enough not to invest in Repels. Besides my hate-hate relationship with these Pokémon, many of the evil teams like Team Rocket use a high volume of Zubats. Team Rocket battles with about a total of 35 Zubats throughout your journey in Pokémon Red. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that Zubats are inherently evil. There are many factors that play a role in Pokémon selection. If Giovanni needs to quickly build an army of grunts to storm Silph Co, he's not going to have time to hand-pick Pokémon for each member. He'll probably hire some guy to walk into Mt. Moon and hurl as many Pokéballs as he can.

These things are evil in their own right.

To say that Pokémon selects their trainer based on personality is absurd! It's the trainer who throws out the Pokéball; Pokémon rarely "choose" their trainer. So why is it that we see certain Pokémon with certain types of trainers? Perception. It is not to say that a certain species of Pokémon have the same personality, but trainers perceive them to act a certain way.

If you're a Biker on Cycling Road, chances are you're going to pick Arbok over Teddiursa. Why? Because one is a huge snake who poisons foes with venomous one. The other is a tiny bear who licks honey off its palms. Likewise, Lass Andrea on Route 8 opts for a Meowth over Grimer. One is a cat who likes to play
with shiny objects. The other is a pile of sludge with eyes. While trainers in the games adhere to Pokéstereotyping, the anime tries at times to break the mold.

Biker Ernest is outcasted from the other Bikers for choosing a Teddiursa and Marill on his team.

Houndoom takes its design from hell hounds. The Pokédex describes it as the "Dark Pokémon" whose cry

Even Houndoom can be heroic

was thought to be that of the Grim Reaper. Burns caused by Houndoom are said to be everlasting. Houndoom has a less than pleasant description, but its appearance in the show have been fairly positive. In "Houndoom's Special Delivery", a Houndoom finds Misty's Togepi alone in a forest. Defending it from a Pinsir, Houndoom takes Togepi under its care until they reunite with Ash and friends. Even Houndoom, who are seen as vicious Pokémon, can be heroic.



On the flip-side, normally benign and innocent Pokémon can have a dark side. During the Sinnoh saga, Team Rocket encounters a Pokémon that eats all of their food, throws Jessie's clothes in mud, and lights Meowth's fur on fire. You'd think a naughty Gengar or Murkrow would be behind these misdeeds, but a Togepi!? It's surprising that this dastardly Pokémon is the same species as the one that was coddled by Misty during the Kanto and Johto journies. It gets so bad, this Togepi literally blasts Team Rocket into space. Still think Togepi couldn't possibly be evil? This will change your mind:

Pokéstereotyping is a serious issue in the Pokémon universe. Oftentimes, trainers choose their Pokémon based on perception rather than a Pokémon's real personality. Vilified Pokémon like Houndoom can be loyal, trustworthy and heroic. Likewise, cute and innocent Pokémon like Togepi can have a mean streak. Even Zubats, who frequently harass me in caves, might have more to them besides blood-sucking. So challenge yourself. If you usually pick the water-starter, choose fire. Instead of training a Growlithe, catch a Koffing. After all, you can't judge a Pokémon by its type. When you break Pokéstereotypes and train new creatures, you might even find your new best friend.