Pokémon the Movie: I Don't Choose You

*This post may contain spoilers for the new movie. So yeah, spoiler alert.

You might be surprised to know that they're 20 main Pokémon movies. Crazy when you think about it since the Pokémon anime been around for about 20 years now -- that's a full fledged movie every year! Since the fourth movie featuring Celebi, we over in the Unova region ... I mean United States, rarely get Pokémon movies released in theaters. So when it was announced that Pokémon the Movie: I Choose You was getting a theatrical release for a limited time, I thought it'd be a nice treat to go. I casually mentioned it to my sister, and she wanted to go for her birthday. After all, we went to the first Pokémon movie in '99 for her birthday -- it'd be a nice full circle.

From random trailers and chatter online, I explained to my sister that this would be more-or-less an alternate take on Ash's original journey -- Brock and Misty wouldn't be in it, but Ash will do things like rescue a Charmander from a mean trainer and release his Butterfree. A little different than I expected, this movie was sort of new story but with random set pieces and moments in the show repeated. It felt too safe since it so heavily relied on nostalgia. For instance, Ash meets up with Verity, a sassy female Water-type trainer, and Sorrel, the medic and chef on the team. Doesn't this sound like Misty and Brock? I'm pretty sure they're just Misty and Brock but with most of their personality stripped away. Verity and Sorrel are so unforgettable, I had to look up their names on Serebii.net.

So on the right is ... you know, just forget it.

Like I said, Ash will go through many situations like he did in the show like letting go of Butterfree and saving Charmander. When we were first introduced to Charmander and the Pink Butterfree, my sister predicted what was going to happen next. It was clear that these moments were intentional to play on nostalgia. This movie was meant as the 20th anniversary celebration of the anime after all, so it made sense. However, events weren't always consistent. When Charmander evolved into Charmeleon, it was expected that Charmeleon wouldn't listen to Ash. However, this was never the case. It was surprising to see which moments were cherry picked for the movie.

With all Pokémon movies, we can talk about the plot of Ash being the "chosen one" or something and having to fight a legendary Pokémon or work with them to save the world. That's pretty much what this movie was about, and it honestly wasn't bad. However, the dialogue and pacing made this movie not land for either of us. There's a scene where Sorrel recounts a time when his family's Luxray died in the snow trying to protect him -- he couldn't make friends with Pokémon afterwards until he met Lucario. Ash's response? "That's awesome!" Really. That's awesome. Your friend just told you a deep and personal story about having the family Pokémon risk its life and dying, and you say that's awesome? Do you just not have any emotional intelligence? How about just keeping your mouth shut?!

With regards to pacing, the lore of the Pokémon Marshadow was pretty much rushed with the old professor's rash explanation literally in the last three minutes before the climax. I'm too lazy so I'm not going to look up the professor's name. And likewise, this movie was lazy to rely on telling rather than showing. And it did a terrible job telling cause my sister and I still were confused and had to piece it together! I told her that Marshadow attacked Ash because it didn't discriminate between humans, but I just made that up cause I wasn't sure. Don't tell her.

Stuck forever in the shadows.

And now, for the biggest reason why I don't choose this movie: Pikachu talks.

You've probably seen this scene floating around the Internet. Right when Ash and Pikachu are about to be obliterated by the Hyper Beams of like 6 Pokémon, Ash asks Pikachu to get in its Pokéball. Pikachu refuses, saying in the most annoying, squeaking voice that "it's because I always want to be with you." Laughter shouldn't be the response you have at the most emotional part of the movie. But yes, the entire theater abrupted in laughter. All the cringe aside, it felt that the movie was forcing itself to be emotional rather than let it happen naturally through a build up of plot. Like I mentioned, part of the explanation of the movie felt rushed, which made this scene just fall flat. Then there's this whole dream sequence of a world without Pokémon Ash goes through, and it's just weird and a lot to unpack.

Ultimately, there were a lot of missed opportunities to add context and drive real emotion. Pokémon the Movie: I Choose You relied more on nostalgia than building a plot, which made it a miss for both my sister and I. I don't really think much about Pokémon movies, but it was a bit disappointing since I was looking forward to this one. But hey, we had a fun time, and that's what counts. Besides, maybe the 21st movie won't be as bad? You really can't beat Keldeo ...

I'd rather not talk about it.

Starting Off on the Right Foot

Sixteen. Only 16 days till Sun and Moon. We're almost there, guys. I've already decided my version (Sun, cause sun kitty), but there's still an important decision to make. I usually wait until the final evolutions have been revealed, and that happened officially last week. So, one question remains: Who will my starter be?


Decidueye, Incineroar, and Primarina say aloha! ... I mean "alola."

Let's start with Decidueye -- which is by far the hardest name to pronounce for a starter. Grass/Ghost isn't a unique type thanks to Trevenant and Gourgeist, but its design is a unique interpretation. Not gonna lie, I'm really digging the archer theme. Although, it's a bit weird that Rowlet and Dartrix didn't have much of this theme present. I guess they can throw their feathers like darts? Eh, missed the mark for me. Anyways, Decidueye's hoodie gives it a Robin Hood-esque feel, but I wasn't a fan of the drawstrings -- it looks like a middle school emo kid when it uses them.


Rowlet, Dartrix, and Decidueye.

Hands down, though, Spirit Shackle's the coolest  of the starter signature moves. An attack that works like Shadow Tag? Yes please! I hope Decidueye has the base stats to handle competitive play -- this move would be so helpful!



The spirit's shackle you!


Next up, we got Incineroar. Name sounds like a spicy cinnamon bun. I'd imagine an "Incineroar" would be a cinnamon roll from Cinnabon with jalapeños on top -- a true gimmick. And likewise, Incineroar's design feels like a gimmick. Sure, there are evolutions like Dragonair to Dragonite that don't make sense, but I feel Incineroar's way too far of a stretch from Litten and Torracat. It's a total shame -- Torracat's design looked so promising!


Litten, Torracat, and Incineroar.

And before you ask, it's not a Fire/Fighting-Type. Game Freak must have realized they accidentally created another Fire/Fighting starter and changed its type to appease people. It worked ... almost. But yeah, this Fire/Dark-Type even has a signature move that screams fighting! The transition from two normal-looking cats to a macho wrestling cat-man hybrid doesn't make me a fan of Incineroar. 

Twirling, twirling towards freedom!

Finally, we got Primarina. Primarina was the opposite of Incineroar for me. Unlike Torracat, I wasn't a fan of Brionne because of how gendered it was. Brionne seems to be based on a female Japanese pop star -- which is odd considering starter Pokémon have a 75:25 male-to-female gender ratio. Primarina's design carries this gendered look over as well. Pokémon like Machamp and Gardevoir haven't bothered me in the past, but it's weird a starter would look more like one gender over another. That being said, I applaud Primarina's line for being consistent throughout. Popplio was actually my first choice, and it's cool to see the theme of being a performer translated in its evolutions. Granted, the type of performer changes, but I could imagine a Primarina putting on a show with Popplios and Brionnes backing it up. Take note, Misty.


Popplio, Brionne, and Primarina.

Water/Fairy's an effective type, but Primarina's signature move is meh. Wouldn't healing your opponent's burn with an attack help them? Unless if it doubles the damage, but that doesn't seem to be the case.


This came up when I searched "Sparkling Aria." Will this heal burns?

So, for my decision. Drum roll please ...

Yep, two! (Sorry, Incineroar). This is the first time I decided to go with two starters in my playthrough. I feel both Decidueye and Primarina bring a unique flavor to the game, and I'm excited to try them out. Hopefully, 16 days will be enough to learn how to say Decidueye. Is there emphasis on the "I" or "eye"?

Setting Sails for Gen 7

Alright, so we all pretty much know the big news. Earlier this year, Pokémon announced Sun and Moon for the 3DS. New generation on the 20th anniversary -- it's going to be big. Now, we know who the starters are:

Who will you choose?

 It was a pretty fun day at the office talking about who we'd pick. Even non-Pokémon fans weighed in! I got texts from friends, Twitter was in a frenzy -- it was definitely a sunny day. But you know what I'm pumped for? Grab a box of tissues and watch this:

YES! Pokémon tugged at the heartstrings with their Super Bowl ad, but even that pales in comparison to this. If they were trying to make me bawl like a baby, mission accomplished. A story about connecting with new friends and strengthen relationships is one that truly resonates with me. Three years back, I ended up buying X and Y because I knew friends were going to play it. Yeah, I went on for months about how they were "ruining Pokémon", but you know what? That's ridiculous! At its core, Pokémon is about connecting with a community.

Since X and Y, I've met new Pokémon fans, and I know these two versions will introduce me to plenty more. Like the boy who moved to Hawaii, I hope to share this journey together. Can't wait to say aloha to Sun and Moon!

It's a whole new world we live in.

  

King of the Poké Fist Tournament

Yeah, I know it's been two weeks since Pokkén's been out and I'm very late on this. What can you do when the real world beckons you? It's crazy -- I remember writing about this two years back when it was first announced. I never would have imagined it ending up like this. Pokkén in a sense is an attempt to create live-action Pokémon battles. Or, that's what I thought at first.

To put it simply, Pokkén's chaotic. The core gameplay switches between two phases: Field and Duel Phase. Field Phase has you fight in a 3rd-person view while Duel pits you in a more traditional fighter like Street Fighter. It's not time or rounds that switch you between the two phases -- it's by hitting your opponent with certain moves. Crazy right? This was the first time I had to sit through the tutorial before I could grasp the gameplay!

Changing between Field and Duel Phase becomes easier over time.

Once you get the hang of things though, the gameplay's pretty simple. Similar to Smash Bros, attacks are usually a button inputted with a direction, so there's no real complex combo system.

This simplicity translates to the overall gameplay. My girl Chandelure pretty much crushed the competition by just barraging the opponent with a flurry of attacks. Early on, you'll realize that the best strategy is to wail on the opponent until you win.

Of course, what's a game without customizable outfits! I look pretty spiffy if I do say so myself.

 

Back at it again with the white vest!

I enjoy that Pokkén doesn't take itself seriously. Like I mentioned, you mash buttons to win. But the battle animations -- they're absolutely ridiculous! Just witness all the anime flair!


Anime!

 

ANIME!!

ANIME x 1,000!!!!

Even the assists are crazy. Farfetch'd didn't make it in as I hoped, but he shares the same honor of being an assist like Reshiram and Yveltal. And a clever nod to Sejun Park -- Pachirisu knows Follow Me!


Pokémon legends.

When Pokkén was first announced, I thought of it as a serious game. Instead, we got a goofy, over-the-top fighter, and I couldn't be happier! Many games, especially fighting games, try to take themselves seriously. Pokkén Tournament is a breath of fresh air for those who want to, well, just have fun!

18 Years of Pokémon

Pokémon recently celebrated its 18th anniversary. Shortly after Red and Green's release in Japan, it became a worldwide phenomenon and the rest is history. I have no idea what my life would be like without Pokémon. I met some of my best friends through it and learned a lot from the series. So of course, it's only appropriate I give 18 cheesy, cliched reflections from the wonderful world of Pokémon.

1. Never give up, no matter how many times you fall

You ever met Ash Ketchum? This kid has the dream to become the very best like no one ever was. Out of the current 721 Pokémon, how many has he obtained? 72. If "to catch them is [his] real test", Ash is about 10% done. He's managed to collect the badges in each region, but falls short of being the League Champion (except in the Orange Islands). And yet, he keeps at it.

We can't all stay 10 forever, but we can learn something from this idealist.

I mean, if you like Muk go right ahead.

2. With over 700 creatures, you got to have a favorite!

Pokémon has variety. Maybe floating magnets or living piles of sludge aren't your forte. But there are so many to choose from, you got to like at least one! As weird as it may sound, Pokémon is kind of like life. Even though there are aspects that are less than favorable, there's so much to enjoy.

 3. We can take a different path to reach the same goal

I start with Bulbasaur, you choose Charmander. We'll catch different Pokémon to complement our team, have a different strategy to defeat each Gym Leader, and maybe even choose a different Eevee evolution (or none at all)! But at the end of it all, we will both collect the 8 gym badges, defeat Team Rocket, and eventually become the champion. It just goes to show that there's no singular way to play the games. Which brings me to my next point.

 4. The world isn't black or white

5th generation will always have the best story in my opinion. It was the first to raise the issue of the ethics behind Pokémon battles, and while N, the leader of Team Plasma, didn't meet a clear resolution, he learned to value others' opinions. When ideals clash, a new truth emerges that we can learn from.

 

 

 

5. The rules change from time to time, but the fundamentals stay the same

With the addition of held items, abilities, new moves, new typings, and new battle formats, Pokémon battles have changed a lot since Red and Green. Regardless, the basic principles behind battles stay the same. Pokémon battles is like rock-paper-scissors with elements of chess. Water beats Fire, Fire beats Grass, and Grass beats Water. But Water can move in a way that let it beat Grass. The rules of life change constantly with new technologies and discoveries, but the fundamentals like honesty and humility remain steadfast.

6. A journey with friends beats a journey alone

If I had to summarize what the overall message of the Pokémon series is, it's friendship. Ash and Pikachu's travels across the land show the deep, emotional bond these two share. What I enjoy most about Pokémon is how a seemingly single-player game can transform into the greatest multiplayer experience thanks to trading and battles. And now with online trading and battles, I feel part of the bigger worldwide community. I can't begin to tell you about the countless hours me and my friends spend talking about Pokémon. It's a powerful tool that breaks down barriers and connects people. What other game could unite an entire community to simultaneously play and beat it?

When thousands of people gather to play Pokémon, Omanyte becomes a God.

7. There are some things you just can't explain

What is underneath Diglett? How does a Wailord and Skitty create an egg? Why was Hulk Hogan chosen to be the spokesperson during Pokémon's 10th anniversary? The world may never know.

I got to keep training brother!

8. Don't be surprised if you run into a surprise

Right before my management class, I pulled out my 3DS thinking I could get some training down before the lecture began. Three battles in, I run into a shiny Eevee! I ran out, hugged a random girl, and apologized saying it was "Pokémon business." Granted, I caught 10 or so shinies before, but it was still exciting! Always have those Pokéballs ready, you never know what you'll run into the wild.  

9. Old Arcanines can learn new tricks

Charizard has always been the laughing stock of competitive battling since Red and Green. Now, he's one of the biggest threats thanks to his Mega Evolutions. It took him 18 years, but by Arceus he did it! Other Pokémon have also broken from obscurity since their debut. Blaziken went from being good, to just average, to being banned TWICE! Wobbuffet? He got a new ability and bam! Straight to Ubers! There are so many Pokémon that got better over time, so never say it's too late to learn something new.

 

10. "It's Super Effective" doesn't necessarily mean it's effective

Just because Blissey is weak against Fighting-type moves doesn't mean Aura Sphere is the best choice. Brute strength alone can only take you so far. Different strategies such as putting your opponent to sleep or slowing them down through paralysis can easily turn the battle in your favor. Analyze the situation and come up with a plan; don't go charging head first.

11. Learn from the stupid mistakes you make at the beginning

I am guilty of only training my Venusaur when I first played Red. He was the backbone of my team at level 97. I prided myself on the fact I didn't use a Rare Candy. My second highest? Pidgeotto at level 32. You can tell I knew what I was doing. But hey, how else can we learn if we don't make our own mistakes? It's always a laugh to look back and see how much of a noob trainer I was.

12. Patience is a virtue

Have you ever hatched eggs in Pokémon? It takes bloody forever! You’re moving back and forth for 30 minutes only to realize the baby has the wrong nature or ability or whatever. Sure, shortcuts like having a Pokémon with Flame Body in your party exist, but I remember going through countless eggs in Firered just to hatch a decent Totodile. If I already hatched over 400 eggs in X alone, I shudder to think how long I spent in Pearl. But if I’m still at it after all these eggs, then I must have learned a thing or two about patience. Which reminds me, I probably need to go back and finish hatching those Machop eggs. That will be fun…

I've listened to the bike theme plenty of times.

13. With teamwork, even Magikarp can sweep a team

The videos are absolutely hilarious, but given the right circumstance, the flopping fish has what it takes to take the world. To pull this off, Magikarp requires teammates to help give it a boost to sweep. It just goes to show that the power of teamwork can overcome all.

 

14. There’s a time and place for everything. But not now!

Yes Professor, I know I can’t ride my bike indoors. Yes, I also know I can’t use the Helix Fossil during battle. Yes, I know I can’t use the Super Rod in the middle of the city. It’s an annoying reminder, but Oak’s got a point.

Riding your bike indoors? He'll know...

15. The world is a big place to explore

From the majestic snow peaks of Mt. Coronet to the glistening shorelines of Cianwood City, the Pokémon world offers breathtaking scenery. There are so many places to see and things to do, so stop being cooped up and get out there! After you finish reading this post of course :)

16. Sometimes, it’s just luck

You might have the winning strategy that can take on the biggest threats, but a stray Ice Beam could freeze your Pokémon and all hope for victory is frozen. It happens. You just got to accept that luck might play a role in determining a battle, so don’t take it personally. It’s not all bad though, sometimes luck might get you out of a bind when you need it most. How else can you explain Ash winning the Boulder Badge?

Thunderbolt sets off the fire sprinklers, soaking Onix. That's dumb luck right there.

17. Follow what you love regardless of what other people think

As my good friend Terral once told me, “middle school is the worst version of yourself.” For a time, I left Pokémon because I didn’t want to seem uncool or nerdy. I remember asking a pair of 8^th graders with their Gameboy Advances out if they were playing Pokémon. “Yeah we’re playing,” they responded. “So what?” They were probably used to people mocking them, but they didn’t care. They had guts and I envied them. It only matters what you think. Nothing else matters.

18. If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong!

Seriously! I don’t say Pokémon is my favorite video game series for nothing. It’s an expansive game with thousands of hours of replay value. It’s a universal language where everyone from die-hard Pokémaniacs to moms with kids that play have something to say. It’s a strategic game that challenges you to use prediction and smarts to overcome your opponent. It’s a collector’s hobby with an expansive community full of traders. It’s a shared experience which solidified so many of my friendships and helped forge new ones. But most importantly, Pokémon is just plain fun, and I wouldn’t still be playing if it wasn’t.  

The games that started a phenomenon.

A Run on the Pokébank

Back before X and Y hit stores, Game Freak gave details about Pokémon Bank, an application on the 3DS that allows trainers to store over 1,000 creatures in online boxes. In addition, Pokémon Bank comes with PokéTransporter, which allows trainers to transfer Pokémon from 5th generation up. The original release date was December 27th. It is now January 17th, and Pokémon Bank still isn't available.

So what happened? Initially, the original release date was postponed due to server crashes the Nintendo eShop suffered with so many new users logging in with their 3DS's and Wii U's they got for Christmas. Those lucky enough in Japan could download Pokémon Bank, but it was quickly taken down before the rest of the world had access. Since then, the eShop has been fixed but Pokémon Bank still remains unreleased, without even a new release date given at the time of writing. I usually wouldn't complain about a delayed launch; it's natural in the video game industry. But the Pokémon Company has put itself at odds with its fanbase for a lack of clear communication.

Does that mean no Pokémon Bank?

 Much of Pokémon's communication through Facebook and Twitter is about anything but Pokémon Bank. There are updates on the released Heart Gold/Soul Silver soundtrack, the Mewtwo special airing on Cartoon Network, and even fun caption contests, but nothing about Pokémon Bank. The most information we've received is a cryptic tweet stating "more information will be announced in the future." I understand that the people managing the social media accounts might have just as much information as we do, but couldn't someone higher up cue them in so they can stop giving vague answers?

A tweet sent out by Nintendo on January 10th. There hasn't been an update since then (at the time of writing).

The greatest cause of frustration is the fact that those who already downloaded Pokémon Bank can still use its services. It's an obvious unfair advantage when some trainers can bring Pokémon unavailable in X and Y. Sure, you might get lucky and trade for a Totodile you can breed, but good luck facing Arceus and Lugia when you don't have your own. The video below shows exactly how Pokémon Bank works. Props to SqishyRina for the video.

The fact that Pokémon Bank still works for those who download it means there's not a functionality issue. At the moment, it takes some time to connect to servers, so I'll give Pokémon the benefit of the doubt and assume that's what they're working on. But if that's what they are doing, why don't they just say it?! My biggest fear is that the delay of Pokémon Bank's launch is meant to wait out the free initial trial period originally promised and start charging the annual $5 fee. Of course, that would be one of the most notorious moves in the video game industry, so it's highly doubtful. But fans are getting impatient, and rightfully so.

Whenever Pokémon posts anything on social media, they're met with angry fans clamoring for news on Pokémon Bank. Who can blame them? Nintendo and the Pokémon company have fell silent about addressing this issue and further alienates its fans with vague responses. Meanwhile, Pokémon still promotes everything else under the sun and trainers are receiving an unfair advantage online. It's understandable that Pokémon Bank is delayed, but fans are hanging on empty promises when a company fails to address issues head on.

Pretty much how I feel right now

Should Pokémon Actually Exist? Get Real!

Far too often, my friends and I get into a conversation about what it would be like if Pokémon actually exist. Sure, you might think that would be the coolest thing ever. You get to fly your Pidgeot to school, make your Scyther mow the lawn, and have your Charmander roast marshmallows in the middle of July. But trust me, it's better that Pokémon stay in your DS.  

1. It's like training a pet, except your house can catch on fire.
You've probably heard the old "a pet's a big responsibility" lecture from your parents one time or another.   You have to train it to not bite the mailman, not bark at strangers, and not treat the living room floor like a toilet. Training a normal animal is tough enough, but imagine if your puppy was a Growlithe. Instead of biting the mailman, it'd roast the unfortunate postage worker with Ember! It's Roar would easily intimidate any bystander that crossed it. And if it could expel high amounts of heat from its mouth...I shudder to think what would come out of its rear end.  

So maybe you're not a dog person. Meowth? You better hide your wallet. Pikachu? Stray Thundershocks will short circuit your light bulbs. Ekans? Better have that antidote ready. Jigglypuff? Don't let it near markers. Pokémon make terrible pets.

This is why you can't have nice things!

2. 10-year-olds can summon titans, gods and great beings of destruction.
10-year-olds aren't old enough to drink, join the military or even get a part-time job. But they can go out in the wild and catch Pokémon? It's a severe lack of judgement, especially since 10-year-olds aren't the most mature humans.

Imagine shopping at the grocery store with your kid when he spots candy at the checkout line. Normally, you'd say no and he'd throw a temper tantrum, crying and rolling all over the floor. But now with Pokémon, he can send out his Reshiram and use Fusion Flare on you. Temper tantrums have reached a whole new level.

3.You'll be out some serious cash.
Playing Pokémon in-game for many years gives trainers the illusion that they're the very best like no one ever was. Half the time you're fighting Youngsters with Zubats and Rattatas! The Pokémon games rarely present a challenge, so it's easy to see why you think you're the best when you become champion.

But that's the thing, you're not. It's a harsh reality, but you can't win every battle. That's not necessarily a problem until you realize how Pokémon battles work.

Whenever two trainers meet eyes, they must battle each other. No exceptions. You can't run away from the
fight or say that you left your good Pokémon back in the PC, doesn't matter. You have to battle with what you got. The worst part is, the loser has to pay the winner.

Hand over your money, noob!

Let's say there's a pretty tough trainer with a level 100 Gyarados who just chills at the corner. Usually, you can avoid him by sneaking past him, but today you're running late for class. You mindlessly walk in front of him, your eyes meet, and uh oh! Looks like you have yourself a battle. You try to reason with him that you're late for class, but it doesn't matter. No running away from a trainer battle, no exception. So you send out your Geodude, watch it get pulverized by Mewtwo, and shell out some cash. Now you're not only late for class, you got no money for lunch. Great.

4. I wouldn't eat that ice cream...
Most Pokémon are based on animals and other living organisms. But if you're not used to walking candles and cotton candy, some of these creatures can catch you by surprise.

It's a Saturday night and you invite a couple of your friends over for a sleepover. You get a case of the midnight munchies and go to the fridge for a quick snack. Nice, there's a box of Casteliacones! You bring it upstairs and everyone enjoys their frozen treats. Until...one girl starts screaming. Blood is dripping down her mouth. That was no ice cream cone...she bit into a Vanillite!

Rule of thumb: if it says its name, don't eat it!

The horror doesn't stop there. You best not pick up any Pokéballs from the floor; Voltorb could use Explosion and blow off your arm! That purple balloon...yeah that's a Drifloon. It'll take children away if they tug at its strings. Late for an appointment? Don't rush out the door with Klefki instead of your keys. You wouldn't want to jam a fairy into your car's ignition. You get the idea; you better think twice before picking up a seemingly everyday object. The way Pokémon is going, I wouldn't be surprised if I ran into floating pencils that shot out Pin Missiles.

5. Having a non-Pokémon job in a Pokémon world
Despite the many problems Pokémon would bring, it would still be pretty cool if Pokémon existed. You get to travel across the land, searching far and wide to train these fantastic creatures. But being a Pokémon Trainer isn't the only job. You could study the mysteries behind evolution and become a Pokémon Professor (just don't forget anyone's gender). Or maybe you see yourself as a mentor for up-and-coming trainers as the local Gym Leader. If the life of a law-abiding citizen bores you, you can even join up with Team Rocket or Team Flare and lead a life of thievery and misdeeds. But what if you had a job that has nothing to do with
Pokémon?

Team Rocket is now hiring! *Must bring your own Zubats

You're an accountant for a faceless corporation. Day in and out, you're punching numbers as your higher-ups continue to berate you. Life's a drag. And yet, right outside your window, 10-year-olds are living it up. You watch in awe as one kid orders his Charizard to use Flamethrower. Charizard swoops down and lets out a stream of flames, only for the opposing Blastoise to swiftly dodge and retaliate with a well-aimed Hydro Pump. Charizard comes tumbling down and your heart stops. You press your face against the window as Charizard struggles to get up. Will he make it? Just then, the blinds fall down and your boss glares right at you. A stack of papers falls on your desk and you're back to work. In a world where people can train Pokémon, you're stuck in an office building unable to break the monotony of the 9-5 workday. What a life.

If only you arrived at  Professor Oak's lab a little earlier...

Even after all this, you probably still think it's a cool idea to have Pokémon in real life. Who could blame you? There are endless possibilities in a world of electric rodents and fiery chickens. But with great power comes great responsibility, and an even greater headache. Sure, it might seem cool if Pokémon existed, but I for one am glad they just stay in the games.

Imagine dealing with this guy's calls in REAL LIFE!